When You’re Having A Bad Day…
HI Andrea,
So I’m having a really bad day. I imagine that the path to becoming healthy isn’t easy…but today was especially hard. I have been aware that I am not in the physical shape that I would like to be in for, well, as long as I can remember. Thanks to you, I (and so many other women) are able to take the steps necessary to correct our health and turn our bodies into something more amazing than what they already are.
I have been enrolled in your summer coaching course and I have had your e-book maybe a month before that. I feel like I am slowly making progress. I have cut out dairy and wheat almost entirely from my system and I am feeling much better.
Well, today at work (I work at Trader Joe’s) I had a lady ask me when my baby was due. I haven’t been so hurt by words since 6th grade when Kyle McCabe chased me into the dugout and called me fat until I cried. I held it in until I got home, but I haven’t stopped crying since I walked in the door. I’m only twenty one. And this lady thought I was fucking pregnant. After trying so hard to be conscious of my body for almost two months now, I felt completely reaffirmed that I am not making progress. Its like beyond being offended…my heart hurts. And to top it off I ate a cookie today that I knew I didn’t even want but I ate it anyways. It was chalk full of eggs, milk, and wheat and the thought of it makes me nauseous because my body doesn’t want to eat that stuff anymore.
I’ve e-mailed you once before…about meditation. But yeah, I feel awful and I felt like you were the only person that could really understand where I’m coming from. I’m not giving up. But I feel just so bad. I have been trying to make sure to get my yoga in lately too (I do a trade exchange at a yoga studio here in Santa Barbara so I get free classes whenever I want). I feel like I know everything that you are saying in your coaching course, it’s just a matter of being patient with things. I’m not fat. I’m just really out of shape. I’m not expecting to wake up tomorrow and have a model-like body, but on days like today I can’t help but feel like ‘why can’t I just be resting inside of a body that I like looking at?’. It’s funny too, because I I think I have a pretty face, but it (and the rest of my body) is coated in this layer of chub, and I know that everyone else sees that too. Unfortunately living at this age, in a place that’s so superficial like Santa Barbara, just being beautiful isn’t enough. It’s almost like you have to be hot and sexy to matter. I know that’s kind of extreme, but it’s kind of realistic too.
Did it really take you 5 years to have the body you have? God, I just feel like waiting that long is rough. And I know you can’t give me an answer to how long it will take to see a difference, because everybody’s body functions differently…but anything you can respond with to lift me up would really…really help me out right about now.
I have a sign by my bed that I look at when I wake up that says ‘i am gaining health every day as my breath and my core grow stronger’. This is probably weird, but kind of not because I feel like I can trust you; I have so much love for you. You are making all the difference in my journey to becoming the healthy person that I am longing for. Sorry for such a long letter.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Alex
Dear Alex,
I can’t promise you that this is going to be the last time you are going to be hurt or cry over your negative perception of your body… I can’t tell you how many nights I too have cried over the frustration and pain of living with a body that you are ashamed of.
As you know, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about, meditating on and studying why we as women have so much emotion wrapped up in the state of how attractive and desirable our bodies are perceived. I guess it all goes back to reproduction and if we have attractive bodies that are found desirable then literally we will have more opportunities to mate and therefore a better chance of selecting the most-desirable mate and giving our offspring a better chance of surviving. Sounds crazy when you think about it like that, but really that’s the animal brain and evolution at work inside of us.
But all of that doesn’t make any difference when you are caught up feeling the self-worth of having a negative body image. And here’s what I would say to you if you were standing right in front of me… Focus on the positive.
Look at all that you are doing for your body and for your whole SELF - you are practicing yoga regularly, you have stopped poisoning your body with dairy and wheat, you are learning how to breathe deeply and use your breath to connect to your highest SELF, you ARE on the path of discovering what it takes to be healthy for a LIFETIME.
I know that it’s hard to stay committed to a journey that you hate, and so therefore you should remind yourself DAILY of what you love about this. Write in your journal all the amazing things you are discovering about your body - new postures in yoga, new levels of energy and happiness pulsing through you, not craving foods that you used to be addicted to… there are so many things to be PROUD of about your body RIGHT NOW.
And when you focus on these things, the craziest thing starts to happen… your body starts to reward you for all the LOVE you are pouring into yourself every day. Your body WILL transform. First, the INSIDE of you - your internal universe where your spirit and your heart and your emotions and mental thoughts all live - this changes first.
The best thing about this kind of Inside-out transformation is that once you are “tuned up” on the inside… your outside will become a reflection of that and it will stay that way forever. So you will never have to worry about rebounding and gaining all the weight back again. I can’t tell you how many women WISH they learned how to do this when they where 21 because they have spent decades losing weight and gaining it back and hating their bodies more and more in the process.
You are breaking free from that destructive, self-hating cycle. Imagine the years of struggle you are saving yourself by learning all of this NOW? You are on the right path. And the key to staying on it is to remind yourself of the bliss, love and joy you are getting from it each and every day.
You are such an amazing person full of so much light and love. And when things get really tough for you, just do what I always do and think about how many people you will be able to help through the same struggle because YOU’VE ALREADY been through it too.
You have only just begun to discover the infinite and radiant bliss of your spirit that is inside of you. You will have a lifetime to go deeper and uncover more truths and a deeper awareness. Be patient with your body and with your SELF. Treat yourself like you’re own best friend and forgive yourself always. I promise you, your body will love you more for it and your transformation will happen faster.
When you turn to food to punish yourself you are trying to hurt the body that wants so much to make you proud. Give your body all the love that it deserves… with your thoughts and your actions.
And besides, for all you know… that women saw you as the glowing, healthy, radiant being that you are and thought that’s why you’re pregnant because you had that “new mommy glow”
Remember that YOUR perception is always just that. It is not truth. The truth comes from the deepest place that is inside of you, not the pain of your confused mind. Spend time connecting to that place inside of you and there you will find the truth, the peace, the light and all the love you could ever want or need.
And just in case you can’t get enough there… I’m sending you EVEN MORE light and love to surround you as you discover this journey inward.
I’m so proud of you and excited about your transformation.
Your Friend,
Love and Light,
Andréa